


Call Me Maybe?

by Jayenator565, Mac_Aroni



Series: Clexa Prompts [5]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Dating, F/F, Fluff, Funny, Group chat, Hospitals, Online Friendship, alot of instant messaging, from a one-shot to a multichapter, well i attempt to be funny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-16 23:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8121871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayenator565/pseuds/Jayenator565, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mac_Aroni/pseuds/Mac_Aroni
Summary: If you read my one shot prompts you'll recognize the first chapter. Just another one shot turned multichapter...What happens when a group of people from all over the world come together in a group chat joined only by their love of their OTP...well apparently all kinds of shenanigans ensue and somehow a few even manage to find love. If you're looking for angst this story will not have a lot of it. If you're looking to laugh then we hope we can at least make you smile.





	1. Clarke "good ol' Catholic girl" Griffin and the Great Date Escape

**Author's Note:**

  * For [C.O.S.T.I.A](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=C.O.S.T.I.A).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Jess and Nat for helping when Mac was not able to ya'll rock

It was a quiet night. Unusually so. Lexa breathed calmly, glad to be able to have some time to focus on her writing. She had been busy the past few days and of course her co-author though eternally patient was getting anxious as anyone should. The chapter should have been finished days ago but Lexa could hardly find the time or the will to fill their document with the last two scenes needed to end this introductory chapter to their main story. 

 

Breathing deeply she sighed bringing her hand to pinch the skin between her eyes. Maybe she just needed to take a step back, focus on other things until inspiration once again struck. Nodding she took a sip of her coffee and instantly regretted it, the poor vanilla chai mixture had gone cold at least an hour ago. Making a face at herself she determined a trip to the microwave a measly few meters away was in order. 

 

With a gasp she made to quickly stand and groaned at the pain in her joint. Damn Lincoln for wanting to try a ‘revolutionary style of workout’ never again. She’d stick to her usual morning run and weight training thank you kindly. She was sure Raven would appreciate not having quite an early wake up call like when Lincoln decided to play a trumpet in her ear to wake her. Limping slowly forward she finally reached her destination and loaded the cup into the radiation filled machine with a small cheer and self high five. That was until she realized she would have to take the cup back to her desk if she wanted to resume her activities. Instead she made a deal with herself and settled for the couch, the point was to take a step back anyway. Gingerly she lowered her beaten body ever so slowly into its warm embrace and curled her abused muscles into the corner.

 

It was then that the constant vibration coming from her pants pocket decided to register to her tired mind. Sighing Lexa wasn’t surprised to discover her odd new gaggle of friends were once again chatting away. They had met online surprisingly enough in their shared love of reading and writing for some of them. Most of them actually knew each other in real life or through maybe one or two degrees of separation. In fact three of them she knew for a fact lived within a reasonable driving distance from herself. Scrolling up she decided to entertain herself with what she missed so she could actually include herself in the current topic of conversation

 

**(11:51 pm)**

 

**Skai Haiplana:** Ya’ll this date sucks, save me

 

That’s right Clarke did say she had a date tonight. The thought probably irked her more than it should.

 

 **Skai Haiplana:** Someone call me outta this

 **Niylah:** I would you see but, I don’t have your number ssooo

 **Skai Haiplana:** I don’t fucking care I need an evac ASAP, if you ever loved me

 **Tav:** I can’t with my foster dad and you know how he is about family time he’ll get suspicious af and i can kiss my phone goodbye if he finds out about me and Linc ;/

 **Skai Haiplana:** ANY other volunteers

 **Tav:** LMAO I really can't

 **Niylah:** Me neither

 **Skai Haiplana:** Not ex related

 **Niylah:** #rude

 **Skai Haiplana:** #badmemories

 **Skai Haiplana:** #doghouse

 **Niylah:** And here u thought we had an amicable separation

 **Skai Haiplana:** we did

 **Skai Haiplana:** ish

 **Skai Haiplana:** I think

 **Skai Haiplana:** The details are hazy

 **That So Gayven:** XD

 **Niylah:** The details were you asked for us to break up the week of my brithday

 **Skai Haiplana:** Someone fuckKING call me

 **Niylah:** And I said At least wait until its over

**Tav: PopcornEating.gif**

**Skai Haiplana:** It was the week of my birthday too

 

She had suspected for a while that Niylah and Clarke had gotten together at some point but honestly she never outright asked and it was never really confirmed...Not that she spent a lot of time wondering whether it was true or not. It didn’t matter in any case.

 

 **Niylah:** SO we broke up on your birthday

 **Tav:** SMH RAE WHERE DID YOU GO CALL CLARKE

 **Skai Haiplana:**  Raven get me out of this!

 **HG Wells:**  PLEASE RAVEN I AM DOCTORING AND SHES BLOWING MY PHONE UP

 **That So Gayven:**  What’s an HG Wells

 **Skai Haiplana:** Don’t front Raven

 **That So Gayven:** new phone

 **That So Gayven:** who dis?

 **Niylah:** lol call Clarke, Raven

 **Skai Haiplana:** Save me

 **Skai Haiplana:** This girl wants to make it official

 **Skai Haiplana:**  swerve

 **Tav:** oh no

 **Niylah:** Lol hot date…

 **Skai Haiplana:** She is hot

 **Niylah:** Just sleep with her and not call...

 **Skai Haiplana:** I have morals!

 **Niylah:** It’s what I do with all my boring af dates

 **Skai Haiplana:** She’s not boring buuutttt I’m pretty sure I saw a Uhaul around the corner

 **Tav:** LOL

 **Niylah:** Lol so the clingy type

 **Skai Haiplana:** Seems like it

 **Niylah:** They’ll drive you out of the state

 **Skai Haiplana:** So we all agree she’s a no

 **Tav:** ye

 **Niylah:** Yhupp

 **HG Wells:** Smh

 

Lexa could understand both sides to an extent. No one wanted to endure a date with someone who seemed far more into it than they probably should have been for a first date. But then maybe the girl was just nervous and overcompensating. Heaven knows she probably would if she ever found herself with a date. At least now she was caught up in the conversation.

 

**(12:13 am)**

 

 **Heda Lexa:** I would call Clarke but I also don’t have your number

 **Heda Lexa:** Unless you want to PM me it

 **Skai Haiplana:** (123)456-7891

 **Niylah:** LOL this is when you know Clarkey is desperate

 **HG Wells:** What’s happening?

 **Tav:** Clarke wants to run away from her date

 **Tav:** ;/

 **Niylah:** Yhupp

 **HG Wells:** OOOOO

 

Shaking her head at the absurdity of it all, of all the ways to finally hear the beautiful blonde’s voice and get her number, Lexa supposed it could be worse. It picked up just after the second ring, “Hello”

 

**“Ohmigod hi? Hello? Hi friend?”**

 

Clearing her throat she nodded even though the raspy drawl clearly couldn't hear her, “Yes Clarke? It’s Lexa, um you wanted me to call-?”

 

 **“What?”** she heard almost frantic pacing from the other side, **“Jimmy? Jimmy fell into a well? OhmiGOD are you serious right now?”**

 

From further away Lexa could make out another voice talking loudly, **“Are you serious? Who the fuck is Jimmy!?”**

 

“Um yeah...uh Jimmy he’s got um blunt force trauma?”

 

**“Ohmigod, ohmigod he has blunt force trauma Ali. They think it’s a C3 or C5 rupture.”**

 

Lexa could only imagine the ‘what the fuck’ look adorning her face as she fought vainly to withhold her laughter in case she was on speaker phone. How this date was believing this story she had no idea, “Yeah he needs surgery. He’s about to go in.”

 

**“He needs surgery! They’re taking him to the ER no the OR right now.”**

 

“You should come see him before they wheel him in. He could have permanent damage to his uh, cerebral cortex thing,” well there was a reason the brunette never studied medicine. Cerebral cortex thing, that's rich.

She heard the other annoyed voice pipe in again, **“Look Jimmy will be fine, we should enjoy our night.”**

 

What she heard next almost made her lose it with laughter **“Why should I get to be happy while Jimmy suffers? Oh don’t take poor Jimmy from me, he’s so young.”**

 

After a much more dramatic exit strategy call than she had imagined Clarke had ended the call with a whispered thank you to the receiver.

 

 **Heda Lexa:** Clarke that was hilarious

 **Skai Haiplana:** Gotta save Jimmy

 **Heda Lexa:** Gotta

 **Niylah:** Lol

 **Heda Lexa:** Bluntforce trauma

 **Heda Lexa:** C3 breaks

 **Heda Lexa:** He fell down a well

 **Tav:** smh

 **HG Wells:** SMH

 **That So Gayven:** Wait what happened

 **Tav:** Did she really say that?

 **Heda Lexa:** She really did it was amazing

 **Skai Haiplana:**  I really did, my poor cousin Jimmy

 **Tav:** Now that’s just rude

 **Heda Lexa:** I was trying not to die on my end

 **That So Gayven:** Wow Clarke rude

 **Skai Haiplana:** I needed to get to the OR

 **Heda Lexa:** Jimmy needed surgery guys

 **Tav:** Jimmy

 **Tav:** Jinny that fell into a well

 **Skai Haiplana:** I think he’ll live

 **Niylah:** Im still surprised you got away with texting us during your date

 **Skai Haiplana:** She isn’t the brightest noodle I will say that

 **Heda Lexa:** That was the funniest thing I heard all night

 **Skai Haiplana:** We good, she can find her way home

 **Niylah:** Lol

 **Niylah:** You could’ve dropped her off, where’s the morals?

 **Skai Haiplana:** They left

 **HG Wells:** Damn

 **Skai Haiplana:** She was like “no kid, Jimmy is fine, goodnight.”

 **Tav:** YOU COULDN’T EVEN MAKE UP A GOOD LIE

 **That So Gayven:** Did you at least call her a cab?

 **Skai Haiplana:** and I was like “Why should I get to be happy if Jimmy doesn’t?”

 **Heda Lexa:** That is an exact quote

 **HG Wells:** You are so DRAMATIC

 **Skai Haiplana:** We should have recorded the convo

 **Heda Lexa:** So true

 **Skai Haiplana:** She thought it was a sex date

 **Skai Haiplana:** I’m a good ol Catholic girl I leave room for jesus

 **Tav:** Lol

 **Tav:** sure

 **That So Gayven:** Sure

 **Tav:**  Jesus gotta dance

 **HG Wells:** Ssuuree Clarke

 **Skai Haiplana:** She literally said “I thought we were having sex.”

 **That So Gayven:** Oh dang naw

 **Tav:**  Lmao

 **HG Wells:** Omgggg

 **Tav:**  Okokok you did good kid

 **Skai Haiplana:** And I said “God don’t wanna see me sexing you and praying for ol boy Jimmy. He too young to die.”

 **Heda Lexa:** Pretty sure the exact quote was “Don’t take poor Jimmy.”

 **Skai Haiplana:** Then she got out her seat and she slammed the restaurant door actually

 **Skai Haiplana:** Yes there was slamming

 **Skai Haiplana:** Can’t be sorry Jesus needed my mind on other things, now just to get home shit why is Uber having a rush now of all times

 **Tav:** I know you spend most friday nights curled up with a book, singing Hamilton or rewatching Harry Potter but normal people tend to actually go clubbing and be social

 **Skai Haiplana:** Ugh whatever O

 

Before she could stop herself or even really think through the consequences Lexa’s fingers quickly typed a message and hit send

 

 **Heda Lexa:** If you aren’t too far away I could always give you a lift

 

 _‘Fuck’_ she cursed her traitorous digits feeling absolutely scorned.

 

 **Skai Haiplana:** I can’t ask you to go out of your way for me Lex.

 

Even as she read the message giving her the perfect out her body refused to listen as she soon found herself with a jacket on her shoulders, boots zipped and keys firmly in hand.

 

 **Heda Lexa:** It’s not problem at all I need a breather anyway

 

If looks could kill Lexa would be sorely missing her right hand

 

 **Skai Haiplana:** Omg you’re so sweet saving me twice in one night here’s the restaurant address

 **Tav:** Sexy Lexi to the rescue

 **Heda Lexa:** That’s a horrible nickname

 **That’s So Gayven:** Horribly accurate

 **Tav:** AAAYYYEEE

 **That’s So Gayven:** AAYYEEEEE

 

Rather than reply now that she was firmly behind the wheel of her vehicle Lexa let her silence speak for itself. Just a fifteen minute drive later had her pulling up to the stunning blonde she had low key (high key) been pining over since she saw her real face in the chat months ago. Was it suddenly hot in here or- the AC in her car clearly needed fixing. Jeez what was it 100 degrees outside.

 

Clearly recognizing Lexa’s face as well Clarke instantly lit up like a Christmas tree and honestly she was a published writer there was a better and less cliche sounding way to describe what she was seeing but at the moment her words were betraying her as much as her fingers had.

 

“Hey there stranger.” Clarke said as she ambled into the passenger’s side leaving Lexa still as speechless as when she pulled up.

 

“Um- I, uh. Yes...hi.”

 

Clarke smiled hoping to ease the tension she saw set into those firm shoulders, “Hey no need to be nervous, though honestly I kind of am too. It’s lovely though to finally meet you.”

 

Yes. Meeting. Her. She could discuss that, that was a safe topic.

 

“Y-yeah. Likewise you are just- I mean you look incredible- I mean just your dress is absolutely gorgeous and I am going to stop talking before I make a fool of myself, you just came out of an annoying date you probably, definitely do not want to hear me compliment how that belt brings out your eyes and- there I did it. You know what why don’t I just…”

 

As she went to put the car in reverse and pull off from the curb she felt soft lips attach firmly to her cheek for a few seconds before pulling away, “Lexa thank you, for everything. And honestly I don’t mind the compliments or the rambling, It’s pretty damn endearing.”

 

Feeling a goofy grin take over most of her face she looked down as best as she could while driving a mobile hunk of metal to try and hide her blush and drove forward in a daze.

 

“Uh Lexa?”

 

“Yes Clarke?”

 

“We’re going the wrong way.”

 

...there was definitely no way she was hiding her blush now.

The rest of the drive to Clarke's place left Lexa with more of a blur of memory than anything. They had driven in a comfortable silence once the car was going in a determinedly better direction than before and Lexa was sad to depart from the blonde's company so soon. Before getting out of the car Clarke placed yet another kiss on Lexa's cheek leaving her a stunned mess and she smirked at her, "you have my number, think about calling me again maybe?"

"I will- Yes I- uh huh."

Giggling Clarke walked to her apartment but not before Lexa waved her arm awkwardly in a wave out her car window and Clarke returned it. Lexa couldn't help but look to the offending limb and feel personally attacked by it while also internally fist pumping at her tremendously good fortune. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa - Jay  
> Clarke - Kara  
> Ali - Ali  
> Octavia - Nat  
> Niylah - Saji  
> Wells - Nat, Bri  
> Raven - Ali, Jay


	2. Lexa *hides under dick* Woods and the Awkward First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow Lexa makes the call but Clarke is the one to actually ask, throw in some awkward flirting, rambling and poor cousin Jimmy and well it all kind of spirals from there. As for the group chat enter Bellamy, Murphy and Anya.

**“Just uh calling to say I passed by Jimmy’s room, he’s looking um good status is uh...stable. He’s just mainly recovering from the trauma and concuss-”**

 

“Back the fuck up something happened to cousin Jimmy!? Mom Jimmy is in the hospital we gotta-!”

 

**“Woah Clarke, it’s me, Lexa- There’s not- I didn’t mean to….I just thought it would be funny and- Jimmy is most probably in excellent health-”**

 

“Oh Lexa! I know I was just kidding,” she attempted to say with an embarrassed chuckle, “totally kidding.” she laughed even as she signaled somewhat frantically with her hands for Abby and Octavia to calm down. Holding her hand over the receiver she whispered to her frazzled roommate and mother, “He’s ok that’s- that’s my bad.” Her poor mother almost had a heart attack jumping up from the futon where she was lounging with Octavia on her bimonthly visit to the girls’ condo. Octavia shot her a glare before slinking back into her pillow fort at the foot of the futon

 

“So...Jimmy.”

 

**“Yeah, hahah...hah. In retrospect not the best way to start a call…”**

 

Trying to assuage the brunette’s nerves and what she guessed was guilt Clarke decided to play along for the heck of it, “So on your trip to the hospital, did Jimmy...happen to say he wanted anything? The poor guy I should take him some books. Maybe on the way we could meet up for some coffee or...?”

 

**“Um no! I mean yes! Coffee. Um that, that does sound great yes some coffee would yeah I- I can be there in a f-few- Should I come pick you up?”**

 

Grinning to herself at the girl’s flustered state, Clarke bit her lip playfully even if Lexa couldn’t see it, “That would work just fine.Gimme thirty minutes to get ready ok?”

 

**“Yes, right uh sure. Whatever you need Clarke.”**

 

The warmth she felt in her chest at the sincerity of those words did not go unnoticed. But she did choose to ignore it for the time being, “Thanks Lex, I’ll see you soon ok?”

 

**“Yeah, see you soon.”**

 

She was hardly aware of the goofy smile on her face all the way down the hall to her bedroom and the bewildered looks on Octavia and Abby’s faces.

 

“Clarke?...”

 

Seeing her complete dismissal of the outside world Abby turned to the closest thing she had to a second daughter instead, “Hot date?”

 

Octavia could only shrug and hunker back down in her blankets, “Beats me but that was the weirdest form of foreplay I have ever seen.”

 

\--

 

**(12:01 pm)**

 

**Tav:** You’d never guess who has a hot date...at the local hospital cafe

**HG Wells:** I’m cringing internally please don’t say it’s Clarke

**That’s So Gayven:** The odds of it not being Clarke are as low as the odds of her date NOT being sexy Lexi

**Darth Bellamious:** Since when are Clarke and Lexa dating?

**Darth Bellamious:** Did Griff finally grow some balls and ask her crush out?

**Darth Bellamious:** Does this mean we cans top hearing about how much more amazing and perfect Lexa must look in person?

**Skai Haiplana:** ...I. Hate. You. All

**Heda Lexa:** *bishes*

**Heda Lexa:** *bitches*

**Heda Lexa:**  Goddamnit autocorrect *BLUSHES*

**That’s so Gayven:** XD

**Heda Lexa:** *hides under dick*

**Skai Haiplana:** …

**Tav:** …

**Heda Lexa:** HIDES UNDER ROCK OMFG HOW DOES ROCK EVEN AUTOCORRECT TO DICK

**HG Wells:** I feel like now’s a great moment to make a rock hard dick joke but the climax may end up being a bit too messy

**HG Wells:** Eeehh

**HG Wells:** Get it?

**Tav:** ...

**Skai Haiplana:** ...

**That’s So Gayven:** ...

**HG Wells:** Aw come on that wasn’t so bad

**Darth Bellamious:** ...

**Niylah:**  *pat pat* I appreciate your humor Wells

**HG Wells:** Thank you Niylah

 

Rolling her eyes at the immaturity of her friends Clarke finished applying her lipstick and looked outside just in time to see Lexa jump out of her car and proceed to hunch into her open car window in what the blonde could only guess was mortification at her autocorrect feature.  

 

Deciding not to wait for however long it would take Lexa to crawl out of her funk Clarke went to the front door and stealthily approached the woman from behind. 

 

“So-!”

 

“AAaahh!” Lexa jumped hitting her head against the door frame in her panic and Clare could only stand back with her hands on her mouth and try not to laugh through her concern. 

 

“Oh my god I’m so sorry are you ok?” Clarke asked finally moving forward to assist the frazzled brunette that was clearly in pain due to her actions

 

Rubbing the back of her head Lexa nodded with a grimace, “No worries. I don’t think I will be staying with Jimmy in his ICU room.” 

 

Clarke chortled at that and opened the driver’s side door, “Ok first off we’re going to have to work on your apparent lack of medical knowledge.” casually strolling over to the passenger’s side she slid in and saw Lexa still rubbing the back of her head, “Secondly are you actually ok to drive or should I-”

 

“Don’t let her drive! There’s a reason she doesn’t have a car Woods.”

 

Looking up at where a blanket burrito wrapped Octavia was smirking at them from the front door Clarke threw her beloved roommate the finger.

 

“It’s no problem Clarke, I got this.” Lexa reassured her easily slipping the parked car into reverse, “You better bring her back before curfew!” the young brunette hollered at the retreating car

 

“Told you it’s like some kind of weird mating ritual,” Octavia said to Abby who was sneakily peering through the curtains of the small window next to the front door

 

“Mmm,” The surgeon agreed with a nod, “Certainly not natural behavior.”

  
  


\--

  
  


And she was right, Lexa totally had this. Up until the road started tilting on an axis and the weird ringing she noticed in her ears turned into an almost high pitched wail. Naturally the brunette immediately pulled over, thankful they hadn’t taken the highway route.

 

“Lexa?” Clarke questioned, hoping the girl wasn’t backing out because of nerves or maybe she just really didn’t want to do this. The girl was smoking hot an easy 11 out of 10 in a would-date-again-bring-home-to-mom kind of way. She was polite, she was cute and nervous and adorable, she saved panicked blondes from super clingy and assuming first dates-

 

“Um I think maybe I don’t got this. Pretty sure the route I’m taking doesn’t involve a slanting hill in the road and the shirt you were wearing wasn’t that glaringly bright when we left the house and jesus everything is just spinning...” -she was apparently suffering from a concussion. 

 

While her mind was coming to that conclusion Lexa’s concussion fueled nerves seemed to get the best of her, “Or you know maybe it’s nothing I can just, we were going to the coffee place by the hospital anyway lemme just-”

 

She stopped abruptly when a hand clamped down effectively stopping her from lowering the hand brake, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You can’t drive with a concussion Lexa!”

 

“Well you can’t drive either…”

 

“...Is this because of what Octavia said?!” Clarke almost yelled incredulously 

 

“She seemed serious enough,” Clarke’s eyes rolled back so far the blonde was a bit worried but managed to reach over and turn off the vehicle before Lexa could offer any other smart ideas.

 

Making her way out the car she ambled around to the driver’s side door with her best pointed glare and stern shoe tap. Lexa felt like it was high school all over again and she and Anya had gotten caught skipping class behind the bleachers. She didn’t even want to skip class but Anya kept pestering her about how she needed to live a little and how no sister of hers was gonna be this much of a nerd. Point being their excursion did not go unnoticed though the way her body was reacting to Clarke’s bossiness made her wonder if she didn’t also have one of those secret teacher fantasies the guys were always on about...ehem.

 

Feeling all together put out at the whole situation of wanting to keep Clarke safe from her own driving skills but not wanting to make the blonde angrier she unbuckled and sulked out the car, keeping her head and shoulders down like a punished kid until two fingers lifted her chin upwards to Clarke’s exasperated grin.

 

“Are you really pouting right now? You’re lucky you’re cute Woods,” She inhaled and froze seeing Clarke’s face come closer to hers and watching precariously as a pair of lips grazed her cheek leaving her blushing and speechless, “Uh-uuuuhh...I…” 

 

Clarke’s grin brightened as she giggled at the response and promptly led the much more pliable brunette over to the passenger’s side before getting in behind the wheel herself. It was no problem, just had to get Lexa to the hospital. Piece of cake. Driving isn’t even that hard. So what if she flunked the exam a few times. Technically she did still pass eventually and she had the card to prove it. And ok so maybe once she had backed her mom’s jeep into the fence thinking the car was in drive when it was in reverse. 

 

These things happen. Everyday in fact.

Mirrors….check. Seatbelts...on. Key in ignition. Car definitely in drive...was that blood on Lexa’s collar?

 

Reaching over she checked and the red stain was definitely wet and trailed from behind the girl’s ear, “Lexa! Why didn’t you tell me you were bleeding?”

Wincing Lexa brought a hand to trail where Clarke’s had been, “I’m bleeding?”

 

Right straight to the hospital then, the sooner the better, and off they...go.

 

At the sound of rubber screeching Clarke immediately slammed on the brakes causing only a light jolt as the car hadn’t actually moved anywhere once Clarke had put her foot on the gas pedal. She looked at the dashboard confused but then Lexa cleared her throat and gestured to the hand brake she had determinedly stopped Lexa from putting down just a few moments ago.

 

“Aahh, right, I knew that I was just um testing you. Yeah…”

 

She trailed off finally getting the car to move forward albeit at a very slow and cautious pace.

 

\--

 

Wells groaned finally finding a moment to rest his feet. That surgery had gone on from four this morning to now almost one in the afternoon. Damn, next time he’ll think twice before volunteering to be on his father’s service. Finally he was free to drown his sorrows in horribly made dark roast and slimy jello straight from the hospital’s cafeteria before calling it quits for the day...Why would Clarke pick here of all places for a date. Oh well at least he wouldn’t have to put up with more of her useless pining phase. 

 

Skyscraper by Demi Lovato instantly invaded his auditory sense and he fumbled with his white coat pockets to retrieve his cellphone, speak of the devil.

 

**“This is the Sky Queen to HG Wells over.”**

 

Sometimes he really wondered how they were best friends, “Clarke...is there a reason you’re speaking as if we’re part of the air force?”

 

At the nervous chuckles he heard over the line he raised his brows.

 

**“Well, um let’s say for example that I- a friend yes a friend had a date, you know today and that they scared their said date causing this person to hit their head on the corner of the car, you know where the windows roll up and now this date person is uh most probably concussed and bleeding...a bit.”**

 

“Ohmigod Griff what did you do?” The young man stood and grabbed an apple on the way to where he was sure Clarke was probably bringing Lexa to get checked out 

 

**“Technically all I did was say hi, she reacted-”** He heard a muffled sound of obstination from who he guessed was Lexa,  **“and now we’re in this situation.”**

 

Nodding along he pinched his chin in acceptance, “So I assume Octavia or your visiting mother is driving you to Jaha Memorial now?”

There was a moment of silence, just a tiny pause where Wells realized the next words from his friend would be complete bullshit,  **“Yeah, totally.”**

 

He let out a breath of frustration, “Please tell me you aren’t driving.” He could hear Lexa ramble about not wanting her to drive as well.

 

**“Well I couldn’t exactly let her drive now could I?”**

 

In his head Wells really had to stop himself from saying that that may have been the better option,  **“Besides I’m just about to pull up to the side.”**

 

“Ok ok, I’ll have an intern park the car then.”

 

**(12:49 pm)**

 

**HG Wells:** You would never guess who’s really on their way to the ER

**That’s so Gayven:** *cackles* of course

**Sponge John:** I leave you all for 5 minutes

**That’s So Gayven:** ...um try 5 weeks Murphy

**Sponge John:** Time’s just an illusion constructed by the man to restrain us to a social hierarchy

**Darth Bellamious:** See you had me and then you lost me

**Sponge John:** Well I would love America to explain this whole Kansas and Arkansas thing but sometimes we can’t always get what we want

**Darth Bellamious:** Well actually it dates back to the original settlers and how their accents made them pronounce the names of those states

**HG Wells:** …

**That’s So Gayven:** …

**Sponge John:** …

**Tav:** Nerd

**Anya:** Can you also explain why you still use measurement systems nobody understands

**That’s So Gayven:** As soon as you explain why you refuse to change your name

**Anya:** I already told you I don’t have time for your stupidity and why doesn’t Niylah have to change hers

**That’s So Gayven:** Bullshit, you mean you just have a distinct lack of creativity and Niylah sucks with technology we all know this

**Anya:** Your attempt at goading and mockery really isn’t the product of a strong mind Raven

**HG Wells:** Their vindictive flirting aside did I mention that Clarke was driving?

**Anya:** jfc, with my little sister in the car? I’m heading to the hospital

 

Clarke could only imagine why Lexa was giggling so often at the phone in her hand but she was sure from the buzzing of her own phone in her pocket that it was nothing good. 

 

**Skai Haiplana:** Hey my driving skills are on par with the best of them I will have you know

**Tav:** AREN’T  YOU DRIVING RIGHT NOW

**Darth Bellamious:** Eyes on the road Clarke no texting and driving!

**Sponge John:** Glad to see some things never change

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on:
> 
> Clarke - Jay, Kara  
> Lexa - Nat, Jude  
> Octavia - Mac, Nat  
> Wells - Jay, Gilly, Lux  
> Raven - Ali, Low  
> Bellamy - Cam, Kara  
> Murphy - Bri, Mac  
> Niylah - Mo  
> Anya - Low, Lordo


	3. Wells "indoor voices" Jaha and the Runaway Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does a concussed woman make it her life's goal to save the world? And what lengths are her friends willing to go to save her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We apologize in advance for how...ridiculous this may seem but to be fair parts of this and in fact the 'world saving' did happen in real life as odd as it all may seem

 

Seeing the sleek black mini cooper pull up safely to the emergency side doors Wells let go a breath of relief that they had both made it there in relatively one piece. He hurried over with a wheelchair to Lexa’s side and despite her grumbling protests got her in the chair and to the entrance of the hospital, making sure that Clarke handed off her keys to the slightly intimidated intern before going inside. 

 

“Clarke, glad you’re both alive.”

 

“Wells, haha very funny.” she said rolling her eyes as they walked

 

“Lexa, sorry we had to meet under such unfortunate circumstances.” He said to the body still sulking at how her date was so spectacularly turning out, “Hey it can’t get much worse right?” 

 

Lexa replied with what she thought was a smile but was a bit too stiff to be anything more than a grimace. Honestly the sight just had Clarke swooning at her awkward embarrassed pain even more.

 

“I have the doctor’s lounge over here open for us,” Wells explained as he rolled Lexa carefully through the doorframe of a pretty large and empty space that was clearly separated into a kitchen, lounge and sleeping area where she suspected the overnight doctors could rest and eat when necessary.

 

“Lexa you can go ahead and hop up on the couch, get comfy, Charlotte should be with you soon . Clarke wanna help me get my tools and the preliminary paperwork?”

 

Nodding the two left the brunette to her own devices which in retrospect was a horrible idea. Concussed people, not exactly the brightest thinkers.

 

Feeling an itch in her back that was becoming rather annoying due to the fact that she couldn’t reach it Lexa searched the room for a makeshift back scratcher. She tried the TV remote, “Ugh too short,” the couch cushion, “too soft,” and even contemplated checking the rows of lockers that no doubt held the doctors’ personal belongings, that was until she spotted a long knife in the kitchen area with an edge guard…

 

\--

 

“Clarke!”

 

Turning the blonde came face to face with some immaculate cheek bones that belonged to one very unamused dirty blonde, oh so this must be Anya, Wells thought. 

 

“Anya I presume?” he said shaking the girl’s hand

 

“And you must be Wells.” She introduced herself with a small smile before turning to glare at Clarke

 

“And who thought it would be a good idea for  _ you _ to  _ drive  _ with my sister in the car?”

 

“Well excuse me for not having any other options.” Clarke retorted from behind the safety of her best friend. Wells rolled his eyes at both of them

 

“You have plenty of options and they’re all stored in that little thing you call a cell phone.”

 

Sighing at his own sense of responsibility the young doctor intervened, “Ladies while I’m sure this will be a riveting conversation I’m afraid the patients can only handle a certain level of snarky comebacks before it affects their health.”

 

Facing some very unimpressed raised eyebrows Wells turned back to the Head Surgeon Kane, “I’m afraid me and Clarke really should cut this conversation short sir, we’re on our way to treat a patient.”

 

“Oh of course,” The man replied clapping them on their shoulders, “I’ll be scrubbing in with your surgery in two days Clarke.”

 

“It should be great sir!” She responded to his fleeing back

 

“They let you operate on actual people?” Wells threw himself at his bestie before she got placed in her own hospital bed at what he was sure would have been a failed attempted assault.

 

The surgeon settled down his friend just enough for the three of them to look normal when Charlotte bounded around the corner.

 

“Ah Charlotte, did you finish the preliminary look at Ms. Woods and prescribe any medication?” he asked addressing his intern and ignoring the murderous glances shared by the women behind him.

 

“All done Dr. Jaha, she definitely has a grade 1 concussion in my opinion and I went ahead and gave her some pain pills and numbed the area on her back so you could proceed with the stitches.” 

 

At that Anya and Clarke snapped out of their estrogen fueled competition, “Stitches? She needs stitches?” 

 

Completely ignoring Anya’s outburst Clarke echoed “Wait stitches? The cut on her head was nowhere near that deep.”

 

Charlotte nodded agreeing, “Oh no the stitches aren’t for the cut on her head, they’re for the bloody gash in her back, which I cleaned and lightly bandaged.”

 

Turning on her heel abruptly Anya swore she was this close to hurting someone, especially if that someone’s last name was Griffin and first name was Clarke, “What kind of kinky shit did you do to my sister!?”

 

“What me?! We haven’t even gone on a first date yet!

 

“That makes it worse you little-”

 

“Ladies before security gets called can we all use our indoor voices? Anya,  Lexa’s back was fine when she was admitted by me, it must have happened recently somehow and Clarke we both know that on occasion you are into some kinky shit.” 

 

Both women properly reprimanded Wells proceeded quickly towards Lexa’s room with Clarke and Anya at his heels.

 

It was then that they were greeted with a very empty doctor’s lounge, no trace of Lexa in sight but the handle of a slightly bloody knife peeked out from under the couch.

 

“Oh shit...” Wells murmured. So much for taking the rest of the day to relax from his shift

 

\--

 

**(1:22 pm)**

 

**Heda Lexa:** Rae I just punched my leg and felt nothing!

**Heda Lexa:** I can do anything!

**Heda Lexa:** I AM INVINCIBLE

**Heda Lexa:** #timetosavetheworld

**Sponge John:** KING OF THE WORLD

**Heda Lexa:** *Queen

**Sponge John:** Hehe very funny Lex. Did Raven take your phone again?

**That’s So Gayven:** Don’t look at me I’m at work, it’s probably Clarke they should be on their date proper by now

**Sponge John:** Oh yeah I came out to my other friends

**Heda Lexa:** Yyaaassss

**Monty Python:** TURN UP

**Sponge Jonh:** It was great, they asked pronouns and everything

**Monty Python:** That’s great bud!

**Heda Lexa:** I wonder if I can stop a car with my hand

**Heda Lexa:** Rae should I stop this car with my hand!

**That’s So Gayven:** uuuhhhhh no

**Heda Lexa:** I can do anything

**That’s So Gayven:** No

**Sponge John:** No! Lexa tf?

**That’s So Gayven:** is that concern i detect Murphs?

**Sponge John:** Fuck off Reyes

**Heda Lexa:** But I invincible

**Heda Lexa:** I can do it

**Heda Lexa:** I feels no pain!

**Monty Python:** Lexa no!

**Heda Lexa:** Lexa yes!

**Heda Lexa:** I HAVE TO SAVE THE WORLD 

**Tav:** LEXA NO

**Tav:** NO

**Darth Bellamious:** Lexa, what drugs did they give you? Weren’t you at the hospital?

**That’s So Gayven:** That’s what I thought where are Clarke and Wells

**Heda Lexa:** I STOPPED THE CAR

**Monty Python:** OMG LEXXAAA NO

**That’s so Gayven** : LEXA ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE

**Tav:** LEXA

**Heda Lexa:** I HAVE SUPERPOWERS JIMMY AGREES

**Monty Python:** NO YOU DON’T

**Darth Bellamious:** Lexa

**Tav:** I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO IT YOU NOODLE

**Darth Bellamious:** The drugs, what did the doctors give you?

**Heda Lexa:** I DON’T DO DRUGS MY POWERS WERE GIVEN BY HAYLEY KIYOKO

**Heda Lexa:** I SHALL SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD AND UNITE THE 12 CLANS

**That’s So Gayven:** Jesus Christ Lexa please go back to Clarke

**Tav:** JFC YOU SOGGY WAFFLE JUST GO HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP

**Heda Lexa:** AND I STOPPED A CAR I JUST LOOKED AND IT STOPPED BEFORE IT EVEN TOUCHED MY HAND 

**Heda Lexa:** I HAVE MIND POWERS

**That’s So Gayven:** …………………….

 

\--

 

Wells rushed frantically through the doctor’s only portion of the hospital with Clarke wondering if Lexa has somehow gotten by the security including electronically locked doors that required either a code or a badge. Still with no luck. He looked over as Clarke’s phone began playing Mr.Boombastic and she went to quickly answer it.

 

“Um who is this?...what Raven? How did you get my number?...What do you mean that’s not a concern right now- Lexa did WHAT!”

 

He turned to apologize on her behalf to the nurses that were frazzled by her outburst and led the blonde into a secluded corner, “Ok we’re on it.”

 

Ending the call she grabbed Wells hand and made back in the direction they came while dialing a number, “Yes Anya? Meet us outside Lexa is probably in the car park.” 

 

“The car park?” He asked in skepticism, “Just look at the group chat.” 

 

It took about a minute for him to fully grasp the situation, “Fuck she’s high on pain meds.”

 

Clarke gave him her best, ‘you don’t say’ look as they rushed down the flight of stairs, neglecting to wait for the elevators and ran outside already seeing Anya and Charlotte there scanning the area, “Are you sure Griffin I’m not seeing her,” the worried sister responded to their entrance

 

“The car park is the closest area with cars...look we have each other’s numbers let’s each take a side of the hospital building and call when we see her, if she wanders back inside the hospital staff know to look for her.”

 

Wells and Charlotte immediately ran into a few known EMTs and explained the situation hoping the more eyes they had the better.

 

Anya took off bounding past them and to the back of the building where the sun was shining the brightest. What she saw gave her pause…

 

“Lexa? GET OUT OF THE FUCKING ROAD YOU IDIOT!” 

 

Her sister was standing in the middle of the street with both arms outstretched to the bewildered drivers in the stopped traffic, one of which had gotten out in an attempt to coax her back towards the hospital but the moment she heard her sister’s voice she jumped and ran to Anya’s left along the sidewalk of the road. Cursing Anya ran diagonally through the parked cars and unused ambulances to try and reach the road before Lexa decided to jump back on it.

 

Breaking off Clarke headed to the east side of the hospital where the small drive in led to the main road, 

 

Looking amongst the few parked doctor’s cars Clarke huffed not seeing anything until she looked across to the street, “...Fuck!”

 

\--

 

**(1:36 pm)**

 

**Heda Lexa:** SSHHHH my sister is trying to find me but she may be a spy for the bad guys

**Monty Python:** No no Lexa I’m sure she just wants to help you, maybe get some food.

**Heda Lexa:** SHE’S AT THE CORNER TRUST NO ONE BUT JIMMY

**Tav:** Why did they let her go when she’s high PLZ TRUST YOUR SISTER  YOU FUCKING EGG

**Tav:** DO IT

**Heda Lexa:** NO THEY WANNA ABUSE MY POWER AND TAKE THE FLAME BUT I HAVE TO SAVE MAN KIND

 

By now Clarke had called Wells and he had convinced Anya that going after her sister with a car may be wise with how fast she was sprinting. They got the EMTs to block off the small road leading to the hospital and direct as much pre-existing traffic as possible away from the confused young woman.

 

**(1:44 pm)**

 

**HG Wells:** Lexa if you get in the car, go home and get some sleep I’ll tell you all about the new fanfic story I have planned! Jealousy, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers type shit just please get in Anya’s car

**Heda Lexa:** I READ THEIR MINDS I WONDER IF I CAN FLY WITH MIND POWERS LIKE JEAN GREY

**Darth Bellamious:** Lexa

**Heda Lexa:** Wait Jealous fic! THAT TROPE IS PERFECTION

**Heda Lexa:** BUT I AM SUPER HERO YOU CAN’T BRIBE ME

**HG Wells:** If you go home and sleep I’ll tell you my plans to have her in my fic

**Heda Lexa:** I’LL SAVE THE WORLD ONE GAY AT A TIME

**Tav:** I’m-

**Tav:** jfc

**That’s So Gayven:** Lexa?

**Monty Python:** Lexa

**Tav:** Lex?

**Darth Bellamoius:** Wells? What happened?

**Sponge John:** RIP

**Tav:** Now is SO not the time Murphy

**Sponge John:** Sorry I resort to crude humor when I’m worried

 

“Alexandria Nicole Samantha Woods! You come off that stairwell right fucking now or I swear to God I will tell Clarke every little thing you have ever gushed to me about her!” Anya exclaimed spectacularly considering the fact that she had hopped out of her car and chased her sister up seven flights of stairs. The thick concrete the stairwell was made of had cause their connection to be a bit spotty but somehow Lexa managed to evade and outrun Wells, Clarke, Charlotte, Anya, a brigade of EMTs and hospital security and crisscrossed the road up into a corporate business across the street all while texting in their group chat.  

 

**(2:01 pm)**

 

**Heda Lexa:** RAVEN they’re trying to clip my wings and I NEED TO FLY TO SAVE JIMMY

**That’s So Gayven:** Clip your what? 

**Heda Lexa:** THEY ARE BLOCKING MY WAY TO HEAVEN

**Darth Bellamious:** Define way to heaven

**Monty Python:** Or just do not approach the way to heaven

**Heda Lexa:** THE ROOF IS LOCKED AND MY SISTER AND THE BLONDE GODDESS ARE DOWNSTAIRS

**Darth Bellamious:** If you’re trying to jump off a high place I will be seriously disappointed in you

**Heda Lexa:** I’m not jumping I’M FLYING 

**Monty Python:** Sure you can fly just do it safely 

**Tav:** With a helmet

**Monty Python:** And start small

**Tav:** Like off the sidewalk

**That’s So Gayven:** What in the fresh hell did the doctors give her?

**Heda Lexa:** No worries guys we got her - Clarke

 

\--

 

**(7:10 pm) - 84 messages later -**

 

**Niylah:** Damn ya’ll were busy **.** Hey sib what I missed?

**Sponge John:** Sis you wouldn’t believe me if I told you better to just scroll up 

**Sponge John:** I was here and I still don’t understand a damn thing about this Jimmy guy

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mac: I don't know bout ya'll but I would hate to be Lexa when she finally comes down from her high
> 
> Based on:  
> Lexa - coughsajicough  
> Clarke - Jay  
> Wells - Mac, Tweedster  
> Bellamy - Tweedster, Cam  
> Murphy - Bri, Lordo  
> Anya - Jess, Mac  
> Monty - Gabby, Ember, Tweedster  
> Raven - Nat, Jess, Tweedster  
> Octavia - Nat, Tweedster  
> Niylah - Mo, Bri


	4. EXCUSE ME Raven Alexandria Carmilla Lucina Estefania Ofelia Reyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets teased, Clarke gets teased. Mike is evil ok, trust me I have met him and even I agree. And in groupchat Aden and Octavia have all the receipts.

 

“So class what have we learned from this experience?”

 

Lexa groaned keeping her arms firmly planted on the table and her head firmly cradled within them. A whole fricken week later and still Raven insisted on never letting her live this down

 

“That’s right! When Lexa gets high she believes she can fly and nothing on earth can hurt her, it’s got a catchy ring to it actually, Commander Lexa the savior of mankind and her sidekick Captain Jimmy who must protect the flame in order to-” Raven’s spiel was abruptly cut off by Lexa slamming the front door on her way out.

 

“Are you going to the store? Don’t forget we’re low on chips and dip!” She hollered as the mini coop sprung to life and roared out their driveway.

 

“You realize she’s going to kill you one day,” Anya said from where she lay reclined on their sofa.

 

Raven sauntered over with a smug grin and deposited herself firmly in one very annoyed Anya’s lap, “That’s only if you don’t kill me first sunshine.”

 

Without so much as a glance of hesitation Anya deposited the body of the latina on the floor and went to take a shower

 

“I’ll rub off on you eventually!” Raven replied after wiping imaginary dust from the carpet off her jeans

 

\--

 

There were things in this world placed solely to test one’s mettle. Their resolve. To push a person to the very limits of their strength. Or so Lexa believed. It was the only logical explanation she could come up with after all. Let’s paint a picture.

 

Lexa.

 

She was in a word...intense. In another word...dominant at least in a subconscious sense. No matter where she was or what group of friends she was with somehow she was always the one in charge. She was the one they looked to, poured their hopes and dreams into. They had even taken to nicknaming her their Commander. She was sure her stint at superheroing hardly helped with the aggravating nickname. There was just a presence, a natural aura of power that made you want to...well...submit.

 

That is until the hunter became the hunted.

 

Mike.

 

He was the bane of her existence on a good day and could even give Raven a run for her money on her hit list. At least Raven had never drawn her blood.

 

Now she was sure if Anya was here to see this she would say she was being Lextra again. A special word she had when she deemed her little sister’s antics and storytelling to be a tad too dramatic. Dramatic or not didn’t mean there wasn’t some truth. Every tale was born of some kind of reality.

 

But anyway she was getting ahead of herself.

 

Mike.

 

Mike lived with Indra, her godmother who had taken in the Woods siblings at a time they needed her most and had raised them like her own. The three of them would do just about anything for her which was exactly why she now found herself in this precarious position. On the one hand she had escaped Raven’s nonstop onslaught of teasing. On the other hand she was currently trapped in Anya’s old childhood bedroom and it was just her luck that it happened to be the one room that did not in fact contain an en suite bathroom.

 

The need to pee would hit her soon she was sure, in her annoyance at her roommate she had downed an entire litre of water to try and cool her head in a very physical sense. Unfortunately that would prove to be very hard to handle in another twenty or so minutes and she knew Mike wasn’t going to be letting her out any time soon...ffuuuuuuccckk.

 

\--

 

 **Tav:** Sarah Shahi owns my entire ass, that is all

 **Anya:** Not disagreeing but hear me out...Dichen Lachman

 **That’s So Gayven:** She could use me as her doormat and I would say thank you ok THAT is all

 **Adence of Dragons:** Ok ok but who would win in a shoot out?

 **Tav:** MIZ SHAHI WINS and you can bet my Gaye ass on that

 **Skai Haiplana:** No shooting until the lesbians are all equipped with bullet proof vests and are hiding behind their immortal bi buddies please and thank you

 **HG Wells:** Yes less buffy season 6 episode 9 and more Wynonna Earp episode 13

 **Tav:** Fine mom and dad uugghhh, ruining my groove  

 **Sponge John:** You’re ruining the emperor’s groove...Clarke I thought you had surgery

 **Skai Haiplana:** ...uuuhhhhh *leaves*

 **HG Wells:** SMH

 **Adence of Dragons:** TWIN! Aw you made my twin leave

 **Skai Haiplana:** *hugs twin*  <3  *leaves*

 **Zoey 101:** why dyou put an e aftet gay?

 **Zoey 101:** *After

 **Tav:** OOO

 **Tav:** U

 **Tav:** Weren’t here when Gaye was created were you Monroe?

 **Zoey 101:** Nope

 **Tav:** Twas Monty and Anya the ones that created this term

 **Tav:** It’s like Gay

 **Tav:** but rated E for everyone - e

 **Zoey 101:** Ooohh Gay + e

 **Tav:** You bi?

 **That’s So Gayven:** You Gaye

 **Tav:** You pan?

 **That’s so Gayven:** You Gaye

 **Tav:** You gay?

 **That’s so Gayven:** Then guess what motherfucker? You GAYE

 **Adence of Dragons:** Got it?

 **Zoey 101:** So like queer?

 **Adence of Dragons:** Well some people have problems with the word queer

 **Zoey 101:** Why I identify as queer more than pan? Baby lesbean here please indulge me

 **Tav:** I know you’re not from America and it’s not that it only happens there but some peeps don’t feel comfortable with the term bc...bad past experiences and we like everyone here to be nice comfortable beans 25/8

 **Zoey 101:** Oooh ok I see

 **Tav:** Also you can combine AAAAYYYEEEE

 **That’s So Gayven:** AAYYYEEE

 **Tav:** With GGAAAYYY

 **Tav:** And it makes GGGAAYYYEEEEE ;/

 **Zoey 101:** ...

 

And of course both her sister and Raven were online right at her moment of suffering. If the teasing from the hospital wasn’t enough this precarious situation was going to make it ten times worse. She swore they were keeping a fucking tally somewhere of her previous encounters with Mike no matter how much they denied it.

 

 **Tav:** Wells, Monroe is judging me! ;-;

 **HG Wells:** Monroe. No judging

 **Zoey 101:** I was only judging a tiny bit

 **Tav:** This is a judgement free zone!

 **Heda Lexa:** Could have fooled me

 **That’s So Gayven:** Hhheeeyyy roomie, did you arrive at your destination in one piece? Don’t need another trip to the hospital so naughty Dr. Griffin can give you a...check up?

 **Anya:** ………..*leaves*

 **Skai Haiplana:** Heeeyy that’s my thing *leaves*

 **Skai Haiplana:** And another thing, I am ssoo not a naughty doctor I am an innocent angel! *leaves*

 **Tav:** *giggles*

 **Tav:** *GIGGLES INTENSIFY*

 **Adence of Dragons:** I’m sorry I must need my glasses because there’s no way Clarke party animal Griffin, Queen of Beer pong, Lady Regent of the seven cup concoction, Protector of the cocktail, Breaker of chug records and Mother of Moonshine is claiming to be innocent

 **Skai Haiplana:** I TOLD YOU THOSE IN TWIN PM WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOND OF #TWINNING

 **Tav:** *dies of laughter*

 **That’s So Gayven:** RIP

 **Skai Haiplana:** Look I just came out to have a good time and I am feeling so attacked right now

 **Heda Lexa:** Those feats do sound quite...impressive

 **Skai Haiplana:** We can hardly judge my innocence on what I did in college ok

 **Adence of Dragons:** You’re right we can just judge it on the smut fic you linked me some kinky shit Griffin

 **Skai Haiplana:** OMFG

 **HG Wells:** Children behave

 **That’s So Gayven:** The exposure is real

 **Zoey 101:** Well that escalated quickly

 **Skai Haiplana:** YOU WANNA GO SON YOU AIN’T THE ONLY ONE WITH RECEIPTS

 **Adence of Dragons:** Pffffttt receipts? On lil ol me?

 

It was quickly becoming clear that despite currently wielding a scalpel in her patient’s chest Clarke wasn’t planning on stopping her newfound tirade anytime soon. It was quite likely that she had one of the interns holding her phone in their glove clad hands and typing out her responses while she attempted to save a life. Sighing Lexa sat determined to ignore the slowly building need for relief she knew she would have to release soon. Maybe Mike had given up his crusade and gone downstairs. Maybe for once the odds would be in her favor. Maybe her mind could pick a better time to start making precarious Hunger Games references.

 

She still wasn’t over the shipping debacle of when the fandom could hardly decide on what to call Katniss and Peeta’s ship name. No offence but Peenis really wasn’t cutting it and she saw no reason why Toast couldn’t work. Girl on fire meets boy with the bread what else could you get but toast? The name was ingenius on her part really. Realizing that her short lived distraction had run its course Lexa eased herself off the twin sized bed and inched slowly towards the bedroom door, narrowly avoiding that one squeaky wooden board that had gotten Anya in trouble on more than one occasion.

 

She carefully reached out and turned the door handle inch by inch before gently easing it forward...only to be met with bared grinning teeth. She yelped, jumping back and locking the door behind her. Yeah Mike was shorter than the handle but there was no way in she’s-so-fucked-ville that she was risking him entering her only sanctuary.

 

 **Adence of Dragons** : Remember that time you were so drunk you only responded to the name Elizabeth, dyed your hair and your then jerkface boyfriend filmed the whole thing?

 **Skai Haiplana:** ...Did you save that video!? HOW you can’t SAVE snapchat videos!

 **That’s So Gayven:** Yes you can since like 10 updates ago. Keep up Griffin

 **Skai Haiplana:** ADEN I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY

 **Tav:** <https://youtu.be/LKQBW3RzU8o?t=19>

**Tav:** Whoops my finger slipped

 **Heda Lexa:** Would it also be a finger slip if I accidentally clicked the link?

 **Skai Haiplana:** Lexa! They’re exposing mmeeee

 **Sponge John:** At this point we should just let the exposure happen

 **Adence of Dragons:** Get out, we aren’t exposing

 **Tav:** Aden’s right we’re just stating facts

 **Anya:** Are they exposing the high you part? I’ve heard many stories

**Skai Haiplana: mariahcarey-can’t-read-suddenly.gif**

**Skai Haiplana:** So Lexa how are you today?

 **Anya:** That attempt at subject changing, smooth Griffin

 **Heda Lexa:** I am well

 **Heda Lexa:** Except the dog is holding me hostage in the bedroom

 **Heda Lexa:** I need food

 **Niylah:** Not the dog again, Lexa!! Come on. You’re the boss

 **Heda Lexa:** No no I am NOT the boss when he’s bitten me twice before

 **Heda Lexa:** Tried it

 **Heda Lexa:** Never again

 **Anya:** They can smell your fear. The dog is Nia and she’s got your weakness figured out. You can’t just be Lexa here you need to go back to your military roots. Come on Commander

 **HG Wells:** Bite it’s ear

 **That’s So Gayven:** Commander? Yyyaaasss QUEEN Command me to your bed!

 **Skai Haiplana:** **_EXCUSE ME Raven Alexandria Carmilla Lucina Estefania Ofelia Reyes_ **

**HG Wells:** See show your dominance like Clarke just did

 **Anya:** Whack it’s nose. Not hard. Just a tap with a newspaper

 **Anya:** Only if he comes to bite, not just randomly

 **Heda Lexa:** That sounds like it would make him angry

 **Anya:** He has to associate biting with punishment

 **Sponge John:** truth^

 **Heda Lexa:** Fine if I find a newspaper I’ll try it

 **Heda Lexa:**  I was just gonna try and drape this towel over his head and wrestle him back into the yard

 **Niylah:** Make it believe you’re an alpha pump out the pheromones :P

 **Heda Lexa:** Clearly I am a beta we discussed this

 **That’s So Gayven:** Sure Jan

 **Anya:** Hah that was actually a good joke

 **Tav:** ssuuuurrreee

 **Anya:** Mark your territory

 **Sponge John:** Piss on him!

 **Heda Lexa:**  I don’t even know what you guys are saying anymore

 

Screw it, if her friends weren’t going to help her she’d just have to help herself and the first thing on her list, the bathroom. She could only hold her bladder for so long.

 

\--

 

“Rot in hell you despicable, heartless, beast of the nether! Fuck!”

 

Hearing the beginning notes for the Twenty One Pilots cover of Can’t Help Falling In Love With You blaring from her pocket which brings on another set of barking Lexa limps over to the toilet, closes the seat and answers in what she hopes is her best nonchalant tone.

 

“Hey there Clarke how goes it?”

 

The raspy chuckle on the other end of the line almost makes the brunette think she’s about to have a heart attack, **“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? Is that noise the dog barking?”**

 

Sighing Lexa nodded before realizing Clarke couldn’t actually see her, “Yeah I kind of made a mad dash for the bathroom and now I have blood all over Indra’s floor, one sec.”

 

She quickly put the phone on speaker and reached for the small cabinet filled with medical supplies she knew the older woman kept for emergencies, **“Blood!? Why is there blood are you bleeding? Lexa!”**

 

Recognizing her panic when she wasn’t quick enough to respond she stopped her searching and grimaced at accidentally telling Clarke about the blood, “I may have gotten bitten a bit, really it’s nothing to worry about.”

 

**“Nothing to worry about? Are you a doctor because last I checked that was me. I’m coming over.”**

 

“What? No Clarke I can’t open the front door or any door and Mike will just go downstairs when you get here and then you could get bitten-”

 

**“I’m coming over.”**

 

The call ended rather abruptly and Lexa could only sigh while resuming her search for the hydrogen peroxide so she could disinfect the teeth puncture wounds before sticking a bandage on her calf. Seriously why did she pick today of all days to wear her shortest jeans shorts ever. Usually she would wear her long denim pants when having to deal with Mike but Raven’s annoying chatter had caused her to leave the house without a second thought and now she was dearly regretting it. Honestly the amount of leg she had exposed to his teeth was basically asking to be bitten. If the zombie apocalypse were to hit right now she'd be a freaking buffet of legs.

 

Finding what she sought she couldn’t help but fist bump and pour the liquid over the blood trail. Good thing she had taken off her shoes when she entered the house.

 

Hearing Clarke’s ringtone once again she paused and capped the bottle before answering, “Hello?”

 

 **“Heeeyy Ssooo. I kind of need an address hehe.”** Lexa could just imagine the sheepish grin on the blonde’s face and couldn’t help but be enamored by her own memories of the few times she had seen it, “I dunno I hear these knight in shining armor types just kind of show up miraculously when they’re needed.”

 

 **“Lexa.”** The voice on the other side of the line sounded very unamused, “Ok ok.”

 

Despite being worried at what would happen once Clarke arrived she still rattled off Indra’s address and placed a bandage on her cut. Who knows maybe Clarke would have some kind of dog repellent spray they could use to horde Mike back into the yard. Yeah that was a thing.

 

That could work...right?

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on:
> 
> Lexa - Jay  
> Clarke - Jude, Jay  
> Octavia - Nat  
> Raven - Nat  
> Wells - Lordo, Low, Gilly  
> Anya - Jess  
> Aden - Lordo, Bri  
> Murphy - Bri, Mac, Gilly  
> Monroe - Berenice, Cam, Nat  
> Niylah - Low, Lux

**Author's Note:**

> Before someone asks YES these are based on actual group chat convos that Mac and I are a part of but most of the actual story elements are completely fictional.


End file.
